Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Ray

This song literally breaks my heart Everytime I hear it. I play it atleast 10-15 times a week. Not sure why I do that to myself but I feel like it helps me.  It was one of my stepmoms favorite songs. They played it at her funeral along with a slideshow of pics of her. 

During such a happy time in my life I  feel heartbroken everyday. I just wish this feeling would go away. Will it ever go Away? 

Being so happy this past year makes me feel so guilty. Shelly was dying and I was here celebrating being pregnant.  How could I not be there for her. How did I not know things would end like this. 

Why didn't I text her everyday? Why didn't I call? Did I tell her that I loved her enough? Did she know how much i loved  her? Did she know that she was one of my best friends even though the past year wasn't our greatest. 

I will never be able to hear her voice again or her laugh. My babies will never know her. Gosh I just wish I had one more week or even one more day to be with her. 

She drove me crazy and I drove her crazy but what mother daughters don't? 

I have seen much anger built up because she pulled herself away and I didn't know how bad things were until it was too late.  

I am so grateful that God brought her into our lives. 

She was there for everything and was always ready to kick someone's ass if they hurt you in any way. 

I have so much more to say but I can't seem to put it into words. So for now I will pray my heart heals and i pray that she is watch over us. 

This photo below was taken about 3 weeks before she past our last big family outing at Zachary's graduation 

Isn't she gorgeous you couldn't even tell she was sick. Love you so much

She was so young and so beautiful!